


I'll Be Here

by houxvertetbruyere



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Cuddling, Established Relationship, Khan Aftermath, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Post-Star Trek: Into Darkness, bondmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:22:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27091984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/houxvertetbruyere/pseuds/houxvertetbruyere
Summary: His dreams rarely trouble him any longer. Having Jim’s presence in bed next to him tends to keep the subconscious satisfied that the man is alive and well. Tonight, however, Spock is plagued by images of the captain dying.Trektober Day 17 - Nightmares
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 8
Kudos: 139
Collections: Trektober 2020





	I'll Be Here

Spock gasps and sits upright in bed. He swings his legs over the side and puts his head in his hands as he tries to get his breathing back under his control.

He counts the beats on every inhale and makes each exhale slower than the last. His heart is beating too rapidly. 

“Spock?” His bondmate wakes and curls around his seated body in a U-shape. His warmth seeps into Spock’s skin, the huff of his breath on Spock’s thigh is grounding.

“Can I get you some tea?”

Spock takes a deep shuddering breath and feels himself calm at Jim’s voice. His presence. 

“No,” Spock whispers, “I will refresh myself and return shortly. Stay here, please.”

The captain- Jim strokes his fingers in a soft kiss as Spock rises. The gesture warms him as he makes his way to the restroom.

Spock wets a cloth with cool water and dabs at the sweat on his face and neck. 

His dreams rarely trouble him any longer. Having Jim’s presence in bed next to him tends to keep the subconscious satisfied that the man is alive and well. Tonight, however, Spock is plagued by images of the captain dying, mere inches away from him, separated by a door that he could not open. The gasping sound of the captain’s breath, the choked flush of his face, his red eyes.

Spock’s hands tremble at the sink. 

He inhales for a count of ten, exhales for 14. He takes the current stardate and finds the square root to the nearest thousandth.

With his dying breath the captain had lifted his hand to the glass and summoned the ta’al. He had projected a serene image of corn fields as far as the eye could see swaying in the wind. Spock had not been able to control his own thoughts. He filled with shame and the memory of his rage and grief filtering through to his best friend who lay dying.

Spock’s vision tunnels. He is no longer in control of his breathing.

“Spock? Hey.” The captain is behind him, arms wrapping around him, warm all over.

“Breathe with me, okay?” Jim is saying. “In two three four out two three four five six. That’s good, again.” Spock trembles in Jim’s hold and his breathing synchronizes with the man behind him.

“Come to bed with me, yeah? Let me hold you.” Spock nods, eyes open but unseeing. He is feeling rather light-headed- like he could collapse into Jim’s sturdy frame.

When they get back to their bed Jim hands him a glass of water which he gratefully sips. Spock is settled comfortably, reclining against Jim’s warm chest, Jim’s knees on either side of him, arms still grounding him. He thinks Jim is pressing kisses to the top of his head. It feels… like pure relaxation rippling from the top of his head down to his toes.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jim whispers. Spock’s mental shields are still up. He does not trust himself yet to show Jim his thoughts. His shame.

Spock shakes his head. “I will show you, ashayam, when I am able.” Jim presses his cheek to the top of Spock’s head and nods. 

“Whenever you’re ready. I’ll be here.”

Spock knows to his core that Jim will.


End file.
